Oh, hello! Everyone has heard the tale of Little Red Riding Hood...
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We know how she met the big bad wolf in the woods on her way to Grandma's house. We know how the wolf got to Grandma's house first and disguised himself as Grandma. "What big eyes you have" and "What big teeth you have"! And blah blah, blah, rescued by the woodcutter at the last minute... etc, etc. We've all heard that story! But here's how Little Red Riding Hood should have ended...
"Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go...La La La La…"
"What's that?? (sniffs) Smells like... a little girl (sniffs) A little girl wearing a hooded cape (sniffs) Hmm, yes. Red dye number 40 but... (sniffs) There's something else… Hmm. (sniffs) A rosewood basket filled with (sniffs) … muffins! (evil laugh) Pardon me, unaccompanied little girl I couldn't help but notice you, uh, by yourself, travelling alone through this dark and scary forest. Alone."
"Yeah?"
"Where are you headed with that delicious smelling basket of goodies???"
Little Red Riding Hood knew how crafty and dangerous wolves can be so she came up with a very clever plan.
"I'm headed to... my Grandma's house... it's down the path... in that direction. But I can't stay and chat! My poor, sick, feeble, vulnerable grandmother is waiting for me right down the end of that path. That way. Yep."
"How delicious of you, I mean, how dedicated of you!!! But, might I recommend taking time to gather some wonderfully beautiful flowers for your grandma as you go?! There are MANY flowers just slightly off the path."
"OH, so you think I should BEAR slightly off the path to gather flowers?"
"Yessss. The delay will definitely be worth it."
"Well, thank you. I'll be sure to BEAR that in mind."
"Please do! I'm sure your grandmother will be VERY surprised." (evil chuckle)
"Thank you so much for BEARing with me. As I BEAR this basket onto my grandmother's house and help her BEAR her sickness. That she can barely BEAR!!! "(giggling)
"What's funny?"
"Nothing! Off I go! La La La La…"
"Yesss... Now to cut through the woods and arrive at grandmother's house first (evil laugh) Sucker!!!"
"Sucker!" (giggling)
(laughing) "Bad directions! That's clever! (chuckling) But I wonder... whatever became of that wolf??!"
"Hello, Granny!! Wait... You're not Grandma. Oh.. heh goodness heh. What big teeth you have!!! AHHHH!!!!!! "
"I don't think we'll need to worry about him anymore! (giggle) More muffins?"
"Please!"
And Little Red Riding Hood happily enjoyed muffins with her grandmother who got well soon after... all because Red Riding Hood was a smart and practical girl...who knew that wolves were dangerous and can't be trusted.
The moral? Always give wolves bad directions. Always! The end!!
